Saturday, March 26, 2011

Good Enough

I'm rewriting my thesis. All the parts exist (except for a conclusion, and it's not like that's important...), but they don't flow, and there are still gaps in the literature that need plugging. I'm hoping to get a complete draft ready before the end of semester, which is about ten or so weeks away. For someone who only works two days a week... Well, it's not a whole lot of time, even with my weekend tinkering thrown in.

Still, it will be done.



Someone asked me a couple of days ago if my thesis matched up to my expectations: was it better, worse or about par with what I had thought it would be. I quickly realised that I don't really know. Partly because it's still a bit much to take in at once to really make any kind of call - individually I know all the chapters are ok, although could be much better, but it takes a bit of effort to step back and see the thing as a whole.

But the main reason I don't know is that I've never really had a realistic expectation for what sort of a thesis it will be, or what kind of a scholar I could be. I have expected that when examiners' reports come in, they will either be hand-quilled in golden ink with lucrative publication contracts stapled to them; or tattooed to the backs of rabid dogs, the whole-hearted rejection of my work coupled together with demands for my existing degrees to be revoked as well. In my saner moments I realise that neither of those things is going to happen.

...I think.

So, clearly, the thesis itself isn't the only thing that needs work. As I buff and polish my argument I try to negotiate with myself along the way, reminding myself the thesis isn't actually a measure of my worth as a person, and that it isn't going to be awful, and it isn't going to be great - but it will be good enough.

3 comments:

  1. Good read, Sanna. I'm going through the same stages, and telling myself the same things. Hopefully, it will be finished soon, and we can finally start doing something else.

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  2. Thanks Can, I'm glad I'm not alone! :-)

    And yes, am looking forward to the luxury of planning my life without the necessary prefix "After I've finished the thesis..."

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  3. oh good luck! i really enjoyed the last couple of months of my thesis - especially the process of rewriting - as it all really came together and i pushed it up to a new level. and the euphoria of handing it in was unparalleled! but you're right - it's partly a process of realizing it is good enough, and finally letting go. i gave myself an artificial deadline by booking tickets for a holiday to america (only when i really knew i could be done by then, but i guess without that i could have stretched it out for a week or two...).

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